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Funny Engineer’s Guide to Cats in Sexy Videos

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Funny Stuff To Do In A Store

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• Request a personal shopping assistant.

• Order ten pounds of corned beef at the deli counter, sliced extra thin. Walk away during the slicing of the final pound, whistling.

• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

• Dump out a container of liquid laundry detergent and report the spill to customer service. Repeat immediately in another aisle.

• Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all thespray air fresheners.

• Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

• Try to purchase one grape. Repeat until the laughter subsides and they feel obligated to start charging you.

• Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

• Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to “boobs”.

• Order a dozen live lobsters and set them free throughout the store. (After removing the rubber bands from their claws, of course.)

• Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses.

• When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.

• Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long.” etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’, and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

• Empty a bottle of aspirin all over the floor and lie down next to it.

• As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items.

• Leave small, expensive, easy-to-scan products in other people’s carts.

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Funny Chicken Problem in Hilarious Jokes

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John was driving his pickup down a country lane, when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He’s just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.

Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has THREE legs.

He pulls to a stop in front of the farm house, and looking around, notices that ALL the chickens have 3 legs.

He says to the farmer “THREE-legged chickens? Thats amazing!”
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Funny Cats On A Treadmill in Sexy Videos

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Funny Signs That You Are Too Drunk in Funny Stuff

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• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

• Job interfering with your drinking.

• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???

• Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT’s a drinking problem!

• You can focus better with one eye closed.

• The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

• Every woman you see has an exact twin.

• You fall off the floor…

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Funny Son In Law in Hilarious Jokes

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A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” The father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar.” He says.

“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
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Funny Jeff Dunham Sketch in Sexy Videos

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Funny Stuff Adults Can Learn From Children in Funny Stuff

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* There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
* A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
* It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room
* Baseballs make marks on ceilings
* You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
* When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
* A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
* The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
* When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late
* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
* A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
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Funny Mental Patients in Hilarious Jokes

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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found one Patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

The other one was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing.

The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

Than he asked him about the patient that was hanging us-side-down from the ceiling.

He replied: “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light-bulb.”
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Funny Kid Can’t Spell in Sexy Videos

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