Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
“Hey buddy, Why the Long Face”

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

Q. What’s pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What’s blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it’s breath

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other “God it’s hot in here”
The other one replies “Oh no… It’s a talking muffin”

What do you call a woman with one leg?
- Ilene

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
- Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
- Bob

What did the left nut say to the right nut?
The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!

What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.

WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?
BOO-BEE

Whats best about shagging Twenty – Eight year olds?
There is Twenty of them!

How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel

The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!