Funny Signs That You Are Too Drunk in Funny Stuff

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• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

• Job interfering with your drinking.

• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???

• Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT’s a drinking problem!

• You can focus better with one eye closed.

• The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

• Every woman you see has an exact twin.

• You fall off the floor…

• ”Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!”

• The glass keeps missing your mouth.

• Bill Clinton starts to make sense.

• At AA meetings you begin with: “Hi, my name is… uh…”

• Your idea of cutting back means less salt.

• You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

• The whole bar says “HI!” when you come in.

• Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive.

• You say: “Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.”

• You say: “I’m not drunk, you’re just sober”

• You don’t recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass.

• “That damned pink elephant followed me home again.”

• You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

• You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

• You’ve fallen and you can’t get up.

• When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle.

• You say :”Beertender! Get me another bar!”

• The shrubbery’s drunk too, from frequent watering.

• Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive.

• Roseanne looks good.

• You wake up screaming ‘TORO TORO TORO!’ in the middle of the night.

• You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

• You think the four basic food groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and the opposite sex.

• You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping - with your Oldsmobile.

• Friends armed with fire extinguishers stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

• Thanks to you, Jack Daniel’s stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

• Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Vodka.

• Absolute wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

• Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s Vomit Man!”

• The doorman asks for you I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.

• You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

• You are lying in bed and it feels like you’re on a merry-go-round.

• You sound like you’re speaking a different language and get irritated when others don’t understand you.

• You walk up to a real big dude and ask, “Is it true big guys have real small peckers?”

• You fart and then feel a lump in your back pocket.

• You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

• Beer ads make sense.

• You fall down a flight of steps and DON’T spill a drop of your beer.

• You grow a beard because it stops beer that’s running down your chin.

• You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women; “the rest I just wasted.”

• You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.

Check out some more Funny Stuff like Funny Stuff Adults Can Learn From Children

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