(1815 – 1885) – American Humorist and Lecturer
- Suicide is cheating the doctor’s out of a job.
- I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
- Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
- When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
- Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.
- Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
- About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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