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Funny Quotes On Children

In Funny Quotes here’s a few quotes on children.

  • Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. ~ Phyllis Diller
  • My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children. ~ Bill Cosby
  • Parents like the idea of kids, they just don’t like their kids. ~ Morley Safer
  • Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why — he does. ~ Joey Adams
  • I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. ~ Robert Orben
  • Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it. ~ Mark Twain
  • I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse. ~ Dave Barry
  • The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. ~ Quentin Crisp
  • My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~ Rita Rudner

  • I want to have children and I know my time is running out: I want to have them while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. ~ Rita Rudner
  • Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. ~ Bill Cosby
  • Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. ~ Erma Bombeck
  • Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories. ~ John Wilmot
  • There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother’s age. ~ Benjamin Spock
  • I’ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are ‘hello,’ ‘goodbye,’ and ‘I’m pregnant. ~ Dean Martin
  • Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. ~ Sam Levenson
  • When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate. ~ Jackie Vernon
  • When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I’ve done my job. ~ Roseanne Barr
  • Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~ Red Buttons
  • The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant–and let the air out of the tires. ~ Dorothy Parker
  • Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet. ~ Art Linkletter
  • When you are 12, you no longer need the parents. ~ Roman Polanski
  • Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. ~ Fran Lebowitz
  • Children ask better questions than adults. “May I have a cookie?” “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?” are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than “Where’s your manuscript?” Why haven’t you called?” and “Who’s your lawyer?” ~ Fran Lebowitz
  • Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching. ~ Fran Lebowitz
  • I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible…and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary. ~ Victor Borge
  • Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. ~ Sam Levinson.
  • There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. ~ Doug Larson.
  • I Love children, especially when they cry for then someone takes them away. ~ Nancy Mitford.
  • We’ve had bad luck with our kids – they’ve all grown up. ~ Christopher Morley
  • You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~ Franklin P. Jones
  • A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. ~ Anon
  • I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~ Harry S Truman
  • Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. ~ Paula Poundstone
  • I am fond of children – except boys. ~ Lewis Carroll
  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller
  • In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television. ~ Erma Bombeck
  • Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble. ~ Martin Mull
  • I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors. ~ Percy French
  • Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills – while you still know everything. ~ John Hinde
  • There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins. ~ Josh Billings
  • Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. ~ Ralph Bus

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    This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 11:17 pm and is filed under Funny Quotes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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