Little Johnny’s Funny Confusion in Hilarious Jokes

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,” and would his mother, “Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”

So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…

So unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

- Ok, now take off my skirt…

And he takes off her skirt.

- Now take off my bra…

Which he does.
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Funny Wife Troubles in Hilarious Jokes

Two men, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The older man says to the young one, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young man says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The older man says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”
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Funny Statues in Hilarious Jokes

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.

These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.” And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have fifteen minutes.
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Little Johnny’s Funny School Troubles in Hilarious Jokes

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,”What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
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Funny Old Lady in Hilarious Jokes

65-year-old woman was out shopping. When she returned to her car, there were 6 black men sitting in it. Being the kind of feisty woman who packs a gun for emergencies, she whipped it out and yelled, “I know how to use it, and I’m quite prepared to. Get out!!!”

The men shat themselves, and bailed.

The woman then got into the car, and to her confusion, the key wouldn’t fit in the ignition.

Wrong car.

Not hers. Oops!!!.

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Funny Job Application in Hilarious Jokes

Allegedly this is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! The name was changed of course.
NAME: John Smith
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

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Funny Witness in Hilarious Jokes

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness.

The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”

The witness: “Yes, sir.”

The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”

The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he`d trap the witness): “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”
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This guy goes skydiving for the first time.

After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear.

As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her

“Do you know anything about parachutes?”

“No”, she says, “do you know anything about gas stoves?”

If You want more Hilarious Jokes check out Funny Description Of An Accident

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Funny Description Of An Accident in Hilarious Jokes

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put “trying to do the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.
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Funny Blonde Leaving Early From Work

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
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