Funny Son In Law
Hilarious Jokes June 14th, 2008
Funny Son In Law in Hilarious Jokes
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A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink.
“So what are your plans?” The father asks the young man.
“I am a Torah scholar.” He says.
“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”
“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
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Funny Mental Patients
Hilarious Jokes June 10th, 2008
Funny Mental Patients in Hilarious Jokes
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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found one Patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
The other one was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing.
The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
Than he asked him about the patient that was hanging us-side-down from the ceiling.
He replied: “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light-bulb.”
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Funny Baby Making Troubles
Hilarious Jokes June 5th, 2008
Funny Troubles With Babies in Hilarious Jokes
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
“Good morning, madam. I’ve come to….”
“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in.
“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good. I’ve made a speciality of babies”
“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”
After a moment, she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me”
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Funny Deaf Mafia Man Troubles
Hilarious Jokes June 4th, 2008
Funny Deaf Mafia Man Troubles in Hilarious Jokes
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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.”
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able
to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to a sign language interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.”
The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”
The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
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Funny Drunk
Hilarious Jokes June 2nd, 2008
Funny Drunk in Hilarious Jokes
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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
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Funny Question For The Teacher
Hilarious Jokes May 21st, 2008
Funny Question For The Teacher in Hilarious Jokes
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The teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on one little boy.
He stands up and replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then the boy says, “I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
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Funny Sandwitch Problem
Hilarious Jokes May 18th, 2008
Funny Sandwitch Problem in Hilarious Jokes
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A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich.
He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?”
She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.”
“Why?” he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said “Cause I’m starting to grow little feathers down there!”
“Let me see” he said.
“Okay” and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, “That’s right. You are! ? Better not eat any more chicken.”
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Funny Surgeon Talk
Hilarious Jokes May 8th, 2008
Funny Surgeon Talk in Hilarious Jokes
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Five surgeons were discussing their work on their lunch break one day.
“I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first one. “You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
“I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
“I like to operate on electricians,” said the third surgeon. “You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
“I like to operate on lawyers,” said the fourth. “They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
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Funny Grandma’s Advices
Hilarious Jokes May 6th, 2008
Funny Grandma’s Advices in Hilarious Jokes
There was a young girl going out on a her first date and she told her grandmother about it.
So, the grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that, it will disgrace the family.”
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
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Funny Talking Clock
Hilarious Jokes May 3rd, 2008
Funny Talking Clock in Hilarious Jokes
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
“What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked.
“Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied.
“How does it work?” “Watch”,
the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
“For fuck’s sake, you wanker, it’s 2 am in the fucking morning!!”
If you want more Hilarious Jokes check out Little Johnny’s Funny Confusion
Or some Crazy and Funny Stuff like Funny Management Combat Rules
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