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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…but she belonged to someone else…
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you…” but the girl said, “NO.”
Johnny said, “I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up.”
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
(more…)
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Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush.
Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location.
After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush.
It was decided that the brush was invented by a redneck.
(more…)
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Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe’s former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. “Doc!” Joe says, “It’s amazing! I’m cured!”
“That’s great news!” the psychoanalyst says. “you seem to be doing much better. How?”
“I went to see another doctor,” Joe says enthusiastically, “and he cured me in just ONE session!”
“One?!” the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
“Yeah,” continues Joe, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.”
(more…)
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A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.”I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says.
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…”
He returns her gaze, “Anything?”
“Anything.” She says
His voice softens, “Anything?”
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A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.
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