Funny Stuff

Funny Teacher Outsmarts A Student In Hilarious Jokes

A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.”I would do anything to pass this exam,” she says.

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean,” she whispers, “I would do anything…”

He returns her gaze, “Anything?”

“Anything.” She says

His voice softens, “Anything?”
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Funny Letter in Hilarious Jokes

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A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.
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Crazy Panda In A Restaurant in Hilarious Jokes

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A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich, he eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”

The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”
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Funny Blonde Is Going To New York in Hilarious Jokes

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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
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Funny Grandma in Court in Hilarious Jokes

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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’.

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do.
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There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
“Hey buddy, Why the Long Face”

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

Q. What’s pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What’s blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it’s breath

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other “God it’s hot in here”
The other one replies “Oh no… It’s a talking muffin”

What do you call a woman with one leg?
- Ilene
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Funny Chicken Problem in Hilarious Jokes

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John was driving his pickup down a country lane, when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He’s just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.

Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has THREE legs.

He pulls to a stop in front of the farm house, and looking around, notices that ALL the chickens have 3 legs.

He says to the farmer “THREE-legged chickens? Thats amazing!”
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Funny Son In Law in Hilarious Jokes

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A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” The father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar.” He says.

“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
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Funny Mental Patients in Hilarious Jokes

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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found one Patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

The other one was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing.

The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

Than he asked him about the patient that was hanging us-side-down from the ceiling.

He replied: “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light-bulb.”
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Funny Troubles With Babies in Hilarious Jokes

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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning, madam. I’ve come to….”

“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in.

“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good. I’ve made a speciality of babies”

“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”

After a moment, she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me”
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