Funny Stuff Videos

Funny Movie Computers in Funny Stuff

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• Word processors never display a cursor.

• You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

• Movie character never make typing mistakes.

• If a disk has got encrypted files, you are asked for a password when you try to access it.

• All monitors display inch-high letters.

• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

• Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

• Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

• People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain english. Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing “ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES” on any keyboard. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing “UPLOAD VIRUS” (see “Fortress”)

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Funny Introduction To The World Of Engineers in Funny Stuff

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Social Skills
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

• Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.

• Important social contacts.

• A feeling of connectedness with other humans.

Unlike normal people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

• Get it over with as soon as possible.

• Avoid getting invited to something very unpleasant.

• Demonstrate your mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

Fascination With Gadgets
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:

• Things that need to be fixed.

• Things that will need fixing after you finish playing with them.

Engineers love solving problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. Normal people of course don’t understand this concept. They believe that the thing isn’t broken, there is no need to fix it. On the other hand engineers believe that if it’s not broken yet, it doesn’t have enough features.
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Funny Management Combat Rules In Funny Stuff

• If the enemy is in range, so are you.

• Incoming fire has the right of way.

• Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire.

• If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid

• There is always a way.

• Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

• Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.

• The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
  • a. when you’re ready for them.
  • b. when you’re not ready for them.

• Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

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Funny Troubles With Beer in Funny Stuff

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
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Funny Forms Of Government Regimes in Funny Stuff

• Feudalism regime: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
• Pure socialism regime: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. Your government gives you as much milk as you need.
• Bureaucratic socialism regime: You have two cows. Your government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
• Bureaucracy regime: You have two cows. At first your government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..
• Pure communism regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
• Russian communism regime: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
• Feminism regime: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
• Fascism regime: You have two cows. Your government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
• Dictatorship regime: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
• Militarianism regime: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• Pure democracy regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
• Representative democracy regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• American democracy regime: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.
• British democracy regime: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
• Singaporean democracy regime: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
• Anarchy regime: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

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Funny Stuff You Should Never Say To A Police Officer in Funny Stuff

• I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
• Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
• Aren’t you the guy from the villiage people?
• I know the limit’s 50km per hour, but I wasn’t going to be out that long.
• Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
• “Routine check, huh? Well, as long as you’re checking things, why don’t you take a look under the hood? The car was making noises when I hit 140.”
• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
• I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
• You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?
• When the Officer says “Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
• Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.
• Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

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Funny Things That Tell You You’re in California in Funny Stuff

• Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible.
• You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house.
• You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
• Your child’s 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
• You can’t remember…is pot illegal?
• You’ve been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
• You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
• You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
• A really great parking space can move you to tears.
• A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
• Gas cost $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
• A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t even notice.

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Best Funny Excuses Ever in Funny Stuff

If you ever needed an excuse to get out of things I’m sure your find more than enough on our funny list

• I’d love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
• I’d love to, but I changed the lock on my door; now I can’t get out.
• I’d love to, but I did my own thing, and now I’ve got to undo it.
• I’d love to, but I don’t want to leave my 0zone.
• I’d love to, but I feel a song coming on.
• I’d love to, but I’m getting my overalls overhauled.
• I’d love to, but I have left my body in my other clothes.
• I’d love to, but I have some hard words to look up in the dictionary.
• I’d love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
• I’d love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
• I’d love to, but I have to check freshness dates on my diary products.
• I’d love to, but I have to floss my cat.
• I’d love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
• I’d love to, but I have to fulfill my destiny.
• I’d love to, but I have to feed my Ongbun.
• I’d love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
• I’d love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
• I’d love to, but I have to jog my memory.
• I’d love to, but I have to knit dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
• I’d love to, but I have to rotate my crops.

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Funny Pet Diaries in Funny Stuff

Dog’s diary

7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
1 pm – Oh boy! staring at the cat while she eats! My favorite!
2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm – Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
5 pm- Oh boy! Well, actually not much happening right now. But that’s ok. I get to lay down in the sun. My favorite!
6 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Dad!! My favorite!
8 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
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Funny Ways To Recognize Where The Driver Is From in Funny Stuff

• Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.
• New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.
• New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.
• Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.
• Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.
• Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap
• Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.
• Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.
• Seattle: One hand on a 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on the game on the radio, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic

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