Funny Stuff Videos

Funny Stuff To Do In A Store

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• Request a personal shopping assistant.

• Order ten pounds of corned beef at the deli counter, sliced extra thin. Walk away during the slicing of the final pound, whistling.

• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

• Dump out a container of liquid laundry detergent and report the spill to customer service. Repeat immediately in another aisle.

• Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all thespray air fresheners.

• Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

• Try to purchase one grape. Repeat until the laughter subsides and they feel obligated to start charging you.

• Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

• Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to “boobs”.

• Order a dozen live lobsters and set them free throughout the store. (After removing the rubber bands from their claws, of course.)

• Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses.

• When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.

• Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long.” etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’, and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

• Empty a bottle of aspirin all over the floor and lie down next to it.

• As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items.

• Leave small, expensive, easy-to-scan products in other people’s carts.

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Funny Signs That You Are Too Drunk in Funny Stuff

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• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

• Job interfering with your drinking.

• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence???

• Two hands and just one mouth – now THAT’s a drinking problem!

• You can focus better with one eye closed.

• The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

• Every woman you see has an exact twin.

• You fall off the floor…

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Funny Stuff Adults Can Learn From Children in Funny Stuff

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* There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
* A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
* It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room
* Baseballs make marks on ceilings
* You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
* When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
* A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
* The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
* When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late
* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
* A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
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Funny Pregnancy Questions in Funny Stuff

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Before The Pregnancy:

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.

Q: What is a chastity belt?
A: A labor-saving device.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children are enough.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
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Funny Signs That Tell You You’re Working With Computer Hacker In Funny Stuff

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10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.

9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.

6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net.”
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Funny Proof That Computers Are Female in Funny Stuff

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1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

4. The message, “Bad command or filename,” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Check out some more Funny Stuff like Funny Things That Make You Wanna Go To Jail

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Funny Things That Make You Wanna Go To Jail in Funny Stuff

Sometimes Jail does sound better, right?

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IN PRISON…they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK…you can’t even speak to your family.

IN PRISON…you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK…you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON…the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK…you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON…you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK … you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON…you get three meals a day.
AT WORK…you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON…you get time off for good behavior
AT WORK…you get more work for good behavior
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Funny Movie Computers in Funny Stuff

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• Word processors never display a cursor.

• You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

• Movie character never make typing mistakes.

• If a disk has got encrypted files, you are asked for a password when you try to access it.

• All monitors display inch-high letters.

• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

• Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

• Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

• People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain english. Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing “ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES” on any keyboard. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing “UPLOAD VIRUS” (see “Fortress”)

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Funny Introduction To The World Of Engineers in Funny Stuff

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Social Skills
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

• Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.

• Important social contacts.

• A feeling of connectedness with other humans.

Unlike normal people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

• Get it over with as soon as possible.

• Avoid getting invited to something very unpleasant.

• Demonstrate your mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

Fascination With Gadgets
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:

• Things that need to be fixed.

• Things that will need fixing after you finish playing with them.

Engineers love solving problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. Normal people of course don’t understand this concept. They believe that the thing isn’t broken, there is no need to fix it. On the other hand engineers believe that if it’s not broken yet, it doesn’t have enough features.
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Funny Management Combat Rules In Funny Stuff

• If the enemy is in range, so are you.

• Incoming fire has the right of way.

• Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire.

• If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid

• There is always a way.

• Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

• Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.

• The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
  • a. when you’re ready for them.
  • b. when you’re not ready for them.

• Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

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