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Archive for June, 2008
Funny Jeff Dunham Sketch
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008Funny Stuff Adults Can Learn From Children
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008Funny Stuff Adults Can Learn From Children in Funny Stuff
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* There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
* A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
* It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room
* Baseballs make marks on ceilings
* You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
* When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
* A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
* The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
* When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late
* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
* A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
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Funny Mental Patients
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008Funny Mental Patients in Hilarious Jokes
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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room.
He found one Patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
The other one was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing.
The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
Than he asked him about the patient that was hanging us-side-down from the ceiling.
He replied: “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light-bulb.”
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Funny Kid Can’t Spell
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008Funny Kid Can’t Spell in Sexy Videos
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Funny Baby Making Troubles
Thursday, June 5th, 2008Funny Troubles With Babies in Hilarious Jokes
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
“Good morning, madam. I’ve come to….”
“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in.
“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good. I’ve made a speciality of babies”
“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”
After a moment, she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me”
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Funny Pregnancy Questions
Thursday, June 5th, 2008Funny Pregnancy Questions in Funny Stuff
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Before The Pregnancy:
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.
Q: What is a chastity belt?
A: A labor-saving device.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children are enough.
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
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Funny Car Sales Prank
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008Funny Car Sales Prank in Sexy Videos
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Funny Deaf Mafia Man Troubles
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008Funny Deaf Mafia Man Troubles in Hilarious Jokes
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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.”
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able
to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to a sign language interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.”
The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”
The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
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Funny Signs That Tell You You’re Working With Computer Hacker
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008Funny Signs That Tell You You’re Working With Computer Hacker In Funny Stuff
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10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.
9. He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.
6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net.”
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Funny Drunk
Monday, June 2nd, 2008Funny Drunk in Hilarious Jokes
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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
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