Funny Stuff To Do In A Store

Check out some Funny Stuff

• Request a personal shopping assistant.

• Order ten pounds of corned beef at the deli counter, sliced extra thin. Walk away during the slicing of the final pound, whistling.

• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

• Dump out a container of liquid laundry detergent and report the spill to customer service. Repeat immediately in another aisle.

• Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all thespray air fresheners.

• Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

• Try to purchase one grape. Repeat until the laughter subsides and they feel obligated to start charging you.

• Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

• Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to “boobs”.

• Order a dozen live lobsters and set them free throughout the store. (After removing the rubber bands from their claws, of course.)

• Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses.

• When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.

• Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long.” etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’, and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

• Empty a bottle of aspirin all over the floor and lie down next to it.

• As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items.

• Leave small, expensive, easy-to-scan products in other people’s carts.

• Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn’t buy it there say “The customer is always right dammit!!” Make a scene.

• Move “Caution : Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

• Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

• Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

• Spike the fruit salad.

• Squeeze the Doritos.

• Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “I’m Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave.”

• Fill a plastic bag with five types of apples, another bag with six types of citrus fruit, another with seven types of leaf vegetables, and so on until you have mixed bags full of every type of fruit and vegetable in the store. Tie each bag in a double knot. Then take them to the register, and let the cashier tell you the grand total before you realize you forgot your wallet.

• When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

• Open up a loaf of bread and make yourself a sandwich. Take it to the checkout lane and see how much they charge you for it. Tell them you added extra mayo.

• Go to the customer service desk and ask where the whisk brooms, Vaseline, and duct tape are located.

• Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

• Wear a white lab coat, mask, and goggles. Carefully bag some vegetables, holding them at arm’s distance, shaking your head in disgust, and occasionally taking notes on a clipboard. Works best while mothers and children are nearby.

• While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

• Take photos of men putting feminine hygiene products into their carts. Tell them they’ll be able to download their photos at spinelesshenpeckedfairies.org.

• Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

• Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies.”

• When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as ‘A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline’.

• Apply for a job barefoot.

• Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

• When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, “No, no, its those voices again.”

• Open up some cheese and crackers and offer samples.

• Hide a walkie-talkie behind packages of adult undergarments. From the other end of the aisle, see if this is a product that can sell itself.

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