Funny Introduction To The World Of Engineers in Funny Stuff

Check out some Really Funny Stuff here

Social Skills
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

• Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.

• Important social contacts.

• A feeling of connectedness with other humans.

Unlike normal people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

• Get it over with as soon as possible.

• Avoid getting invited to something very unpleasant.

• Demonstrate your mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

Fascination With Gadgets
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:

• Things that need to be fixed.

• Things that will need fixing after you finish playing with them.

Engineers love solving problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. Normal people of course don’t understand this concept. They believe that the thing isn’t broken, there is no need to fix it. On the other hand engineers believe that if it’s not broken yet, it doesn’t have enough features.

Not one engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. Not one can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

Fashion and Appearance
Clothes have the lowest priority once the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If nothing is freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

Love of Star Trek
Engineers love all of the “Star Trek.” It’s a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, they occasionally even have sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an ordinary engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

Dating and Social Life
Dating is never easy for engineers. They are not capable of placing appearance above function. Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material:

1. intelligent
2. dependable
3. employed
4. honest
5. handy around the house

While many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming erotic and irresistible in their mid thirties to late forties.

Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Even longer if the day is warm.

Honesty
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. This is why it’s probably good idea to keep them away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can’t handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

• “I won’t change anything without asking you first.”

• “I’ll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow.”

• “I have to have new equipment to do my job.”

• “I’m not jealous of your new computer.”

Frugality
Engineers are notoriously frugal. Not because of cheapness or their mean spirit; but simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, “How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?”

Powers of Concentration
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject with complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. They are putting anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming in the lounge for a few days to see if he or she snaps out of it.

Risk
Engineers absolutely hate risk. They are always trying to eliminate it. This is of course understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it’s a big deal or something.

Examples of bad press for engineers:

1. Hindenberg
2. Space Shuttle Challenger
3. SPANet ™
4. Hubble Space Telescope
5. Apollo 13
6. Titanic
7. Ford Pinto
8. Chevrolet Corvair

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

• Risk: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.

• Reward: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical, engineers evaluate the balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient, the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: “It’s technically possible but it will cost too much money.”

Ego
When it comes to ego there are only two things important to engineers:

• How smart they are.

• How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that it’s unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until the problem is solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days when solving a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) When they succeed and finally solve the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex and I’m including the kind of sex where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can’t be done (a code phrase that means it’s not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: “I’ll ask John to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems.”

At that point it is a good idea to remove your self from between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.

Check out some more Funny Stuff like Funny Stuff You Should Never Say To A Police Officer

Or some Sexy Videos like Funny Raccoon Stealing Doormat

Custom Search