Funny Pet Diaries in Funny Stuff

Dog’s diary

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
1 pm - Oh boy! staring at the cat while she eats! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
5 pm- Oh boy! Well, actually not much happening right now. But that’s ok. I get to lay down in the sun. My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad!! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
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Funny Job Application in Hilarious Jokes

Allegedly this is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! The name was changed of course.
NAME: John Smith
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

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Funny Cats Having Fun in Sexy Videos

Check out some more Funny Sexy Videos

Or maybe some Hilarious Jokes like Cool Lady vs. Funnny Cop

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Funny Ways To Recognize Where The Driver Is From in Funny Stuff

• Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.
• New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.
• New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.
• Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.
• Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.
• Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap
• Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.
• Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.
• Seattle: One hand on a 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on the game on the radio, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic

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Funny Welcome to Baltimore in Funny Stuff

• First you must learn to pronounce the city name…. It is Bawl-mer or Ball-tee-more, depending on if you live north or south of Rt. 40.
• Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If it is a Howard County map and is a day old it is already obsolete.
• On Monday you don’t wash your clothes, you warsh them. Before you eat a meal you don’t wash your hands, you warsh them in wooder.
• Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere, Baltimore has its own version of traffic rules….”Hold on & pray.”
• There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Baltimore … we all drive like that.
• All directions start with… “The Beltway….”….which has no beginning and no end.
• The morning rush hour is from 6am to 11am, the evening rush hour is from 1pm to 7pm… Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
• If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to 5 when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing into all 5 drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. However, if you don’t go as soon as it turns green, you get the finger, a blowing horn, or both.
• If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard during Preakness … run over him! It’s probably not his yard anyway.

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Funny Witness in Hilarious Jokes

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness.

The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”

The witness: “Yes, sir.”

The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”

The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he`d trap the witness): “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”
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Funny Weather Anchor Freaks Out Over A Bug in Sexy Videos

Interested in more Sexy Videos Check out Hilarious Prank Call to a Hotel

Or maybe some Hilarious Jokes like Funny Skydiving Problem

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This guy goes skydiving for the first time.

After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear.

As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her

“Do you know anything about parachutes?”

“No”, she says, “do you know anything about gas stoves?”

If You want more Hilarious Jokes check out Funny Description Of An Accident

Or some Funny Stuff like Funny Marketing

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Funny Signs in Funny Stuff

In a toy department - “Five Santa Clauses — no waiting.”

In a New Hampshire medical building - “Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.”

In a number of parking areas - “Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated.”

On an Ohio highway - “Drive slower When Wet.”

Tokyo shop - “Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.”

Car Lot - “The best way to get on your feet….Miss a car payment.”

Church sign - “To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.”

On a New Hampshire highway - “You are speeding when flashing.”

Outside a country shop - “We buy junk and sell antiques.”

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store - “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.”
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Funny If OS were Beers in Funny Stuff

• DOS Beer:

Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it’s no longer available.

• Mac Beer:

At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a “light” beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that “you don’t need to know.” A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

• Windows 3.1 Beer:

The world’s most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer’s. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

• OS/2 Beer:

Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won’t explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

• Windows 95 Beer:

The can looks a lot like Mac Beer’s can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
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