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Funny Ways To Recognize Where The Driver Is From in Funny Stuff

• Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.
• New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.
• New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.
• Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.
• Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.
• Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap
• Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.
• Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.
• Seattle: One hand on a 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on the game on the radio, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic

• Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald’s bag out the window.
• West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.
• Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on. (“seasoned citizen driver”)

• Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads, you’re all moving at the same speed either way.

• Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks…also cradling cheap cell phone.
• Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.
• Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on the steering wheel

• New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head while she’s giving head!

• Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.
• California:  (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn’t moved in the past hour.
• Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4×4, Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of bed while going down the highway.
• Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass, chunks of rust falling off by the pound.
• Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.
• Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.
• Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any forward progress.
• Colorado: Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another’s car.
• Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates: One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn’t hit their motorists so as not to litter:.
• Las Vegas: Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel.
• North Carolina: One hand on the wheel the other waving at every car that passes as if it were his neighbor.
• Minnesota: One hand on wheel, other hand reaching out window trying to catch the windshield wiper to snap the ice off the blade.
• New Mexico: Two hands on the wheel, driving forty five in a seventy mph zone in the left lane, with the left turn signal on, and making a right turn.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 at 3:45 pm and is filed under Funny Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.