Funny Stuff

Funny Wife Troubles in Hilarious Jokes

Two men, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The older man says to the young one, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young man says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The older man says, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”
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Hilarious Commercials in Sexy Videos

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Funny Forms Of Government Regimes in Funny Stuff

• Feudalism regime: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
• Pure socialism regime: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. Your government gives you as much milk as you need.
• Bureaucratic socialism regime: You have two cows. Your government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
• Bureaucracy regime: You have two cows. At first your government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..
• Pure communism regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
• Russian communism regime: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
• Feminism regime: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
• Fascism regime: You have two cows. Your government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
• Dictatorship regime: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
• Militarianism regime: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• Pure democracy regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
• Representative democracy regime: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• American democracy regime: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.
• British democracy regime: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
• Singaporean democracy regime: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
• Anarchy regime: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

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Funny Statues in Hilarious Jokes

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.

These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.” And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have fifteen minutes.
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Funny Stuff You Should Never Say To A Police Officer in Funny Stuff

• I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
• Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
• Aren’t you the guy from the villiage people?
• I know the limit’s 50km per hour, but I wasn’t going to be out that long.
• Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
• “Routine check, huh? Well, as long as you’re checking things, why don’t you take a look under the hood? The car was making noises when I hit 140.”
• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
• I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
• You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?
• When the Officer says “Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with, “Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
• Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.
• Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

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Little Johnny’s Funny School Troubles in Hilarious Jokes

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,”What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
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Funny George W. Bush Speech in Sexy Videos

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Funny Things That Tell You You’re in California in Funny Stuff

• Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible.
• You make over $250,000 and still can’t afford a house.
• You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
• Your child’s 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
• You can’t remember…is pot illegal?
• You’ve been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
• You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
• You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
• A really great parking space can move you to tears.
• A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
• Gas cost $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
• A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t even notice.

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Funny Old Lady in Hilarious Jokes

65-year-old woman was out shopping. When she returned to her car, there were 6 black men sitting in it. Being the kind of feisty woman who packs a gun for emergencies, she whipped it out and yelled, “I know how to use it, and I’m quite prepared to. Get out!!!”

The men shat themselves, and bailed.

The woman then got into the car, and to her confusion, the key wouldn’t fit in the ignition.

Wrong car.

Not hers. Oops!!!.

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Best Funny Excuses Ever in Funny Stuff

If you ever needed an excuse to get out of things I’m sure your find more than enough on our funny list

• I’d love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
• I’d love to, but I changed the lock on my door; now I can’t get out.
• I’d love to, but I did my own thing, and now I’ve got to undo it.
• I’d love to, but I don’t want to leave my 0zone.
• I’d love to, but I feel a song coming on.
• I’d love to, but I’m getting my overalls overhauled.
• I’d love to, but I have left my body in my other clothes.
• I’d love to, but I have some hard words to look up in the dictionary.
• I’d love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
• I’d love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
• I’d love to, but I have to check freshness dates on my diary products.
• I’d love to, but I have to floss my cat.
• I’d love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
• I’d love to, but I have to fulfill my destiny.
• I’d love to, but I have to feed my Ongbun.
• I’d love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
• I’d love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
• I’d love to, but I have to jog my memory.
• I’d love to, but I have to knit dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
• I’d love to, but I have to rotate my crops.

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