(1815 - 1885) - American Humorist and Lecturer

• Suicide is cheating the doctor’s out of a job.
• I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
• Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
• When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
• Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
• Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.
• Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
• About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

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