Once these Funny Stuff become reality you just know you are old. Enjoy…

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… come back in style.
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.
You have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.
You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
You have more patience; but actually, it’s just that you don’t care any more.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You just can’t stand people who are intolerant.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You sink your teeth into a steak …and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
You’re on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does
You want clothes for Christmas.
Your neighbors borrow your tools.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

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