Funny Stuff Videos

In Funny Quotes here’s a few quotes on children.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. ~ Phyllis Diller

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children. ~ Bill Cosby

Parents like the idea of kids, they just don’t like their kids. ~ Morley Safer

Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why — he does. ~ Joey Adams

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. ~ Robert Orben

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it. ~ Mark Twain

I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse. ~ Dave Barry

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. ~ Quentin Crisp

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~ Rita Rudner

I want to have children and I know my time is running out: I want to have them while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. ~ Rita Rudner

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. ~ Bill Cosby

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. ~ Erma Bombeck

Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories. ~ John Wilmot

There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother’s age. ~ Benjamin Spock

I’ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are ‘hello,’ ‘goodbye,’ and ‘I’m pregnant. ~ Dean Martin

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. ~ Sam Levenson

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate. ~ Jackie Vernon

When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I’ve done my job. ~ Roseanne Barr

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~ Red Buttons

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant–and let the air out of the tires. ~ Dorothy Parker

Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth child-with-bloody-nose was told to go to the yard immediately and stop bleeding on the carpet. ~ Art Linkletter

When you are 12, you no longer need the parents. ~ Roman Polanski

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Children ask better questions than adults. “May I have a cookie?” “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?” are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than “Where’s your manuscript?” Why haven’t you called?” and “Who’s your lawyer?” ~ Fran Lebowitz

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible…and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary. ~ Victor Borge

Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. ~ Sam Levinson.

There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. ~ Doug Larson.

I Love children, especially when they cry for then someone takes them away. ~ Nancy Mitford.

We’ve had bad luck with our kids – they’ve all grown up. ~ Christopher Morley

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~ Franklin P. Jones

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. ~ Anon

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~ Harry S Truman

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. ~ Paula Poundstone

I am fond of children – except boys. ~ Lewis Carroll

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television. ~ Erma Bombeck

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble. ~ Martin Mull

I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors. ~ Percy French

Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills – while you still know everything. ~ John Hinde

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins. ~ Josh Billings

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. ~ Ralph Bus

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 11:17 pm and is filed under Funny Quotes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.