Archive for December, 2007

Funny Excuses

Saturday, December 29th, 2007
  • Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
  • Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
  • Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.
  • Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
  • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
  • Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
  • Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
  • My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
  • Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
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    Funny New Player

    Saturday, December 29th, 2007

    When Daryl Hill bought a Christmas present for his children he wasn’t really prepared for the crazy content of the package.

    Hill bought three MP3 players at Wal-Mart in Sparta but apparently one of them was not quite new as they told him. This one had a previous owner who loaded sex clips and explicit songs.

    Within 10 minutes, my daughter was crying,” Hill said Thursday. “I wish I could take the thoughts and images out of her head.

    A company spokesman said in an e-mail to WSMV-TV of Nashville: “Stores are not supposed to return opened packages to the sales floor and the matter is under investigation.

    Hill said he declined Wal-Mart’s offer to replace the MP3 player. He said he has already bought his daughter a new one and is hanging onto the controversial one until he talks to a lawyer.

    Cool Aurora Borealis

    Saturday, December 29th, 2007

    Cool Aurora Borealis picture
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    Crazy Problems

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?

    Joe says, “What’s the matter man?

    The Man says, “Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he’s gay.

    Joe says, “Man that’s terrible,” and gives the man his whiskey and beer.

    Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar… He walks in and says, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?

    Joe says, “Well hell, what’s the matter this time?

    The man says, “Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE’S gay.
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    Crazy Poo Trial vs NYC

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    Only in NYC you can step on a pile of bird droppings and have the city give you a couple of million dollars compensation.

    56-year-old Shelton Stewart slipped on the station steps back in 1998, injuring his neck and back.

    Despite his own confession that he had notices the pile of excrement a jury awarded Stewart 7.67 million dollars in damages. But since his confession makes him 20% liable for the fall NYC transit authority has to pay only 6.13 million.

    Stewart was reportedly planning to use his windfall to buy a house and take his two daughters and grandchild to Disney World in Florida.

    Cool And Crazy Paper Art

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    Cool And Crazy Paper Art picture
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    Crazy Little Girl With Funny Frog Ideas

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    A little girl says, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?

    Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied.

    As she is sitting on grand dad’s lap she says, “Grandpa, can you
    make a sound like a frog?

    A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a
    frog.

    The girl says, “Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like
    a frog?

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    Crazy Woman Used Cop As A Tissue

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    A Police officer from Dunbar, West Virginia, who answered a call about domestic dispute was in for a big crazy surprise.

    Corporal S. E. Elliott arrived to find a man sitting near his front door while a woman tried to slap him. He arrested 36-year-old Georgia Newman after he saw her biting the man on his elbow and spit in his face.

    Later as he walked her into a police station she allegedly leaned over and wiped her nose on the back of his shirt.

    She was charged with domestic battery and battery on a police officer.

    Cool Nature Creations

    Friday, December 28th, 2007

    Cool Nature Creations picture
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    Funny Rules For Cool Life On The Silver Screen

    Thursday, December 27th, 2007

    Welcome To Funny Stuff

  • During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
    strip club at least once.
  • All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
  • Most dogs are immortal.
  • If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
    passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
  • All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
    armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
    beside her.
  • All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
  • It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
  • The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
    place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
    can travel to any other part of the building you wish without
    difficulty.
  • If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
    ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
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