Crazy Funny Classifieds – Part I

  • For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  • Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath home.
  • American flag, 60 stars. Pole included, $100.
  • Amana washer, $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
  • Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
  • Whirlpool built-in oven—frost-free.
  • Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
  • Wanted: Used paint.
  • Wanted, somebody to go back in time with. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
  • Free Yorkshire terrier. Eight years old. Hateful little dog.
  • For sale by owner. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
  • One man, seven women hot tub. $850 or best offer.
  • Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
  • German shepherd, 85 lbs., neutered. Speaks German. Free.
  • Cows, calves never bred. Also one gay bull for sale.
  • Found—dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.
  • Open house. Body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts.
  • Free puppies. Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbor’s dog.
  • Nice parachute—never opened. Used once.
  • Hummels—largest selection ever. If it’s in stock, we have it!
  • Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
  • Twenty dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
  • Dog for sale—eats anything and is fond of children.
  • Vacation special—have your home exterminated.
  • The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
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    3 Responses to “Crazy Funny Classifieds – Part I”

    1. Bath sale says:

      Bath sale…

      Thank you. Now back to work!…

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