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Social Skills
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
Unlike normal people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
Fascination With Gadgets
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
Engineers love solving problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. Normal people of course don’t understand this concept. They believe that the thing isn’t broken, there is no need to fix it. On the other hand engineers believe that if it’s not broken yet, it doesn’t have enough features.
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Five surgeons were discussing their work on their lunch break one day.
“I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first one. “You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
“I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
“I like to operate on electricians,” said the third surgeon. “You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
“I like to operate on lawyers,” said the fourth. “They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
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“In a recent survey, 86 percent of college fraternity members admitted that they’ve had at least five drinks in a row. The other 4 percent were out cold.”
“Michael Bolton said yesterday he now wants to become an opera singer. Which is great, because now my Dad and I can hate the same kind of music.”
“Eighty-three percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 7 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles.”
“That man who posed as a woman during a /2 year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over.”
“It’s been reported that John Bobbitt’s porno movie grossed over 10 million. I’m not sure whether that’s dollars or people.”
“The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, ‘Whatever.’”
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There was a young girl going out on a her first date and she told her grandmother about it.
So, the grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don’t let him do that.
“But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that, it will disgrace the family.”
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
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While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
“What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked.
“Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied.
“How does it work?” “Watch”,
the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
“For fuck’s sake, you wanker, it’s 2 am in the fucking morning!!”
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